How to Speak Republican

Thank you, Pete Kotz, for writing a glossary of Republican-isms. Politics could always use some humor. Oh, and extra props for using the word ‘lamestream’.

A few excerpts for your viewing pleasure:

Environment: Convenient place to dump car batteries and kitchen appliances. While lamestream media insists on its preservation, studies by the business faculty at Liberty University prove that beavers actually like swimming in hydrochloric acid because it improves their skin tone.

American: True patriot who hates all the right things, including but not exclusive to: taxes, unbreaded chicken, California, female sportscasters, the Toyota Prius, people who speak Mexican, BET, free range vegetables, public radio, Al Sharpton, whales…

Gotcha Journalism: Shameful media practice pioneered by Katie Couric in which she uses duplicitous interview tactics — often called “questions” — to get vice presidential candidates to admit they can’t read.

Traditional Marriage: A union between a man and woman who argue over a period of three to seven years, then separate and file unflattering paperwork about each other. Repeat cycle as necessary.

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